My thoughts,feelings and wateveR!!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

new blog

http://brianz-cze.blogspot.com/

this is my new blog..

this will be my last post..

hello..
i m bac..though tis will be my last post...

y leh?
cos i gonna use a new blog..
sort of like leaving my past...
leaving my sad memory...

wat hav i been doing lately leh?
i juz finish my exam yesterday...
but i wasnt studying for exam..
mostly juz rest..cos i hav been having headache for weeks ald..
everyday...!!
i hope to get well soon...
dun wish to get migrane..

anyway..
i really wan to clear my sad memories..
there is lots of sad effect tat my 2nd ex left on me..
i dun trust love as much as before anymore..
i dun trust relationship...
i dn trust guys as much ald...
is bad..especially it's unfair to the one tat care a lot bout me...

now only i realise i was super stupid n blind for past 4 years..
yet..i feel lucky tat i hav left him..
time will help me let go the pain of being stupid..
i know i will get over it some day..

another person i wan to leave wif this post..
is the one who hav been giving me lots of surprises...
tat person tat make me thought tat he likes me...
i dun care now..whether he does or not...
cos i can stand no more of his sudden hot n coldness..
draw a clear line..
let bygones be bygones..

i will inform u guys bout my new blog address k..

Monday, October 23, 2006

currently at home

selamat hari raya!
curently having raya break..
went shpping for raya yesterday...
bought lots of clothes..haha

suppose to study..
but damn hot n boring at home..
gonna die ald..
exam coming so soon..
still havent study..

juz found out tat wei is in pb rite now..
not tat i purposely wan check la..
juz talk to ah lean then i know lo...
so no yuan..i in pb so many days also never meet him..
wahaha..
they r together..
glad to hear tat..or else the other gal damn kesian la..
i guess she wont be crying ald la..
cos i m out ald ma..
ah bao,rite??haha
but i m sorry to say tat she is more blind than me..
unless she those gal tat juz wan love as love not as a commiment then i hav nothing to say..
or else..i really need time to believe that there is someone even blind than me..
all my frens saw how i put my effort in..saw how well i treat him..
yet,wat did i get except my own tears?
he can turn his bac on me?wat makes she thinks tat he wont do the same thing?
rite,she can be sure if she is the one tat turn her bac on him first be4 he does..(sigh..is 2 ways)
she is the one tat see wif her own eyes how her bf lie to me..
tell me he loves me every night while he is sleeping wif her everyday..
tell me he is alone while he is with her..
how can she bear all this ignorance?
how can she bear when she cant stand for herself in front of me?
how can she bear when he dun even dare to tell other ppl about her existance??
i still remember when i went to kl for break up..she need to hide when i suddenly pay my visit....
how can she bear all tis?
i shud hav find her out..n ask her to stand for herself n stand wif her braveness to tell me tat she love him n dare to fight for it..
one thing i muz admit..
gals beileve guys too easily..
y she can bear all tis?
one of the possible reason is she believe all of his bull shit reasons n excuses...
another reason will be her blinded love...

i dunno wat she thinks..
but to me..my pride as gal is very strong..
those tat she canbear..i cant..
but doesnt mean she appear to be a better gal than me..
cos i respect my life..
i wont allow anyone to ignore my existance..
i wan to stand for myself no matter wat..
try ask me to hide..u'll juz get bomb by me..
i hav lost my pride since the day i believe him while he lying to me...
i hav lost my pride since the day i believe him blindly wothout following my judgememnt...
i hav made my mistakes..
so i tell myself..i muz live a better life without him..
n i m now telling u guys...
life without him is totally free...
is a nightmare when i think bac..
i wonder how i bear when he always blame me for his own mistakes..
how i bear when i was doing everything he juz took everything from me..
how i bear when he dun even giv a damn of me...
i guess i was juz blind...

i dun hate him or her at all..
i wish them well..
n happy wif their life..
if it happens tat their life r miserable in future..
i m sorry to tell tat i wont care and help..
tis is their choice..
i will juz say this is their consequence of hurting ppl for their own happiness..
i hav served him enough..
i hav pay watever tat i owe him..
tat's it and it ended a month ago..
he is out of my life n dun try to come interfere me...
i wont be as kind hearted ald..
he goes on wif his happy life..
i continue wif mine...
i m happy tis way..

anyways..
time to go..
spend to much time on his bull shit ald..
take care everyone!

Friday, October 13, 2006

hello

it's been a long time tat i dint come here ald..
was busy wif my own personal problem lo..
sadly not busy wif my studies though there r lots of pending work..

anyways..
i m now announcing tat i hav broke up wif law kah wei
i ask for it n will like to delete him from my life
he cheated me..tis is the reason give me the courage to damp him..
congratulate me if u r my fren...cos my life is 100x better after i broke up..
luckily i let go..if not,i cant imagine how my life will be in future..

enough of his stupid things..
basically life is good so far..
juz tat i lazy to study lo..
need to catch up..
second year is hard..
totally stress..lots of work..
study is never easy..i guess nth is easy in tis world..

good news..
a guy name brian came into my life a month ago..
he is the nicest guy tat i hav met so far..
will let our relationship grow if possible..
thanks to hui ying la..
brian is her ex classmate..

tat's all i guess..
i will come often if i can..
cos our house's net is not working....no chance to on9...
all the best to my frens..to me also..
good luck for jess's exam..
good luck for ah bao's exam..
hope to see u guys soon..

Monday, September 04, 2006

我回来了

很抱歉
考完试，假期都快完了才上来

是懒惰上网
因为都忙着发呆

我的成绩只是还好
说真的，不满意
因为考试的时期里受到了很大的打击
真的很痛
到现在还是一样痛苦
像受罪一样
我无法再提起
因为每一次想起都够折腾了
我只希望我有足够的勇气离开

我爸送了我一辆车
贺我过了第一年
我大哥送我一枚戒子
我二哥送我去香港游玩
我幸福吧?
很幸福

整个假期
其实没什么特别的
就每天都希望把心情整理好
只是一个月都好像也没什么改变

我在香港求了签
解签的人说我在校园里会有缘分出现
这是在求学业的签里说的
是个上上签
另外一签是求自身的
是个中上签
说有贵人相助
好像都好好噢。。
希望如此咯。。。

跟他
好像都习惯了不负责
是彼此都偶尔想拥有对方吧
我不会再去想为什么他会有怎样的动作
有的话，就留在心里当回忆
没有，就在心里依然的想他
去香港原本犹豫要不要给他买手信
就那么巧碰到中国最有名的书法大师
摆乌龙下
给他买了上百元的书法
写上他的名的
其实蛮内疚的
只是无法不送了。。
他还好喜欢
不然我可要伤心死了
跟他一起我是很开心的
所有我都喜欢
只有一样我不喜欢
他好像是要找做老师的女友
只有祝福他了

生活一切都还好
只是心情不好咯。。
没有信心真的很痛苦。。
要好起来
我真的要好起来

下星期一开学了
第二年了。。
也要顺利过关！

祝福我。。。

Friday, July 14, 2006

不可思议

不可思议啊。。

你们都知道我在双溪大年读书吧？
每天当我翻报纸时
都会读到至少一宗的抢劫案之类的
真的知道这里不是安全的地方

但是
你们知道今天发生什么事吗??
不是我中招
是我遇上被抢劫的妇女

那时是我买了报纸
要回家经过小巷
我是驾车的。。
车上有三个朋友。。

刚弯进巷子时
就看打那妇女躺在路上
这么巧今天我没戴眼镜
看不清楚，我以为是傻人躺在地上
朋友们看到他脚有血。。以为她是孕妇跌倒。。
他们就赶快下车扶她。。
她的血真的很多。。
从头留下。。一滴一滴的。。
是大量鲜血！

你们懂吗。。
妈妈永远是妈妈的。。
她一上车就不断说她的孩子
说在前面的店。。
她坚持要去找他。。
我还以为孩子是懂事了的。。
要通知他一声。。
哪里知道。。他孩子只有两三岁。。
在nursery里。。
之后就载她到医院紧急室去。。

医院的人工作是慢半拍的！！
讨厌啦~！！！！
之后那妇女的丈夫就去找她了。。

这件事发生在我常去吃午餐的地方。。
真的是吓到我。。
因为真的看到了这样的事
我不懂该说那些做这些坏事的人什么
我觉得所有最难听的话，最严厉的责备也不够来骂他们
他们实在不是人。。
为什么人可以那么自私？？
可以那么狠毒？？
真的是无奈。。

不过这一件事
让我发现了我的不一样
我现在在考大学第一年大考
我读的是牙科。。不过读的都有关医学
看到那妇女的伤势
我尽然会想伤势的地方在那里
伤到什么血管而流血了
真的是。。。。。。。
以前的我
才懒得理。。
今天我终于知道平时被那么多血管的位子的用处了！！！！
至少让对我的学习有了点兴趣

所有的人
千万不要走小巷。。活则很少人经过的地方。。
不管是白天黑夜！！
不要拿手袋！！
大家小心啊！！

我星期一还有一个考试就把所有科目考完了
一星期后才考practical
就快考完啦。。
:-)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

希望能给我幸福的你

没有了信任
真的很苦

告诉你
你却什么也没做。。

不懂你做些什么。。
我只知道
我的信心很少

累
是我的心情

也许
做他想要的我
我会比较舒服
连我的朋友也告诉我
我是做得到的
只是我还在期盼你会改变
是我天真吧？

真心的希望你会给我幸福
真的希望我有一天我会打从心里的快乐

Thursday, May 11, 2006

又一个月了

ppl have been complaining tat i never update my blog..
hmm...
i admit..
purely bocause i m lazy..
but but...
got reason..
there lots of work everyday...
really tired when settle down...
so..the best thing is SLEEP..
so hope u guys forgive me..

i better change to mandarin..my english sucks...
one advantage studying in nz is tat my english was improving..
exspecially with jess around...
but..i m damn cina la..(i m cina wat...duh~~~)
like to speak n write in mandarin..
hehe..

最近也一样没什么特别。。
这几天成绩出了。。上次考试的。。
先说。。我真的没有拼命读书。。
只不过不知道为什么我拿到了merit..
wat is merit...?
ok..
our course got pass wif distinction,pass wif merit,pass,border line fail and fail..
distinction=best,merit=better,pass=good,border line fail=ok,fail=ko
so i pass wif merit..
拿到成绩时，
真的很吃惊。。一点都不高兴。。因为我真的没有好好读书。。
再加上那些以前成绩很好的都没拿到。。
他们真的每天每天都在读书的叻。。。
我还在怀疑是不是学校搞错名了。。
结果是真的。。
算我幸运吧。。
我有感觉办理的人不太高兴我拿到。。
不过直到昨天才真的听到他们有在说我坏话。。。
刚刚听到的时候真的有点痛。。
因为我是个愿意相信大家都是善良的。。
我是一个不喜欢知道这世界有多现实的人。。
所以，很自然有点难以接受这些那么伤人的事。。
但是想想，
我不能控制或改变些什么。。
不用执著人家说什么。。
自己开心就好。。
所以叻。。
我没事咯。。。

我还是一样每天都会想他。。
我想这个习惯很难改变了。。
就算不爱
这样的想念，还是会有的。。
接受咯。。。

我今天做了很开心的事。。
虽然花了车油，快速公路的钱，时间，精神。。
不过真的很开心。。
我买了玩具。。还包成很美的礼物。。
是个惊喜。。
重点是我成功把这惊喜收起来。。没说穿叻。。第一次！！！！
希望他会很开心很开心咯。。。

我还有两个月就大考了。。
还是一样没读书咯。。。
不过。。我真的要及格咯。。。
过第一年叻！！！！

只要是我的朋友的。。
我都想你们。。